Cognitive Dissonance

Photo Credit - Wikipedia

Two coyotes were photographed in front of Wrigley Field last week. The story was featured nationally on television and on the web. While we are accustomed to seeing squirrels, raccoons and birds in urban settings, the sighting of much larger wildlife, especially carnivores, is often of concern to the general public.

The story, along with the photographs released raised two issues for me. The first, as always, is the recognition that we humans are intruding on the landscape needed for wildlife to live successfully. As we encroached further into wilderness areas, these exchanges will occur more frequently and often with fatal results for the wildlife involved.

The second and more introspective thought is the dissonance of the photo itself. The image of two coyotes walking across the front of an urban sports facility doesn’t resonate with the contemporary view of nature being separate from the human experience. How and why were those coyotes in central Chicago, located far from any natural area? Were the coyotes just passing through or had they set up a new territory within the confines of the city?

Over the past month, I decided to return to the workforce. I sent out resumes, contacted business colleagues and even took on a short-term contract project. The process was familiar and there was a comfort level in returning to the work that I had done for so long. But there is a kernel of discontent building within me. As soon as I made a commitment to the contract, I was inundated with opportunities more in alignment with my current life without work. Yes, the money, the frequent interaction with friends and colleagues and the energy of being back in the bustle of downtown does bring excitement to a life that has been devoted to quiet and reflection. But I have found myself entirely focused on the job, pushing aside what I had thought was important soul-searching work.

On my blog, I put a quotation from Bertrand Russell as a permanent feature. The quote “It is the preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly.” I came across this quote over the summer and it resonated so strongly with me that I have set it up as a daily message on my calendar. I have become a victim once again to the preoccupation of possessions, in my case: money, recognition and sensory excitement. Perhaps that is why I now see soul-searching opportunities everywhere. My soul is reminding me to seek a balance between the material and the spiritual.

Where’s the Snow?

December 14, 2011 - A rainy days in the woods. Will 2012 be another mild winter?

I went outside this evening to put out the dumpster for tomorrow’s garbage pick-up. At this time of the night (7:30 pm) the temperatures should be dropping. Instead it has climbed two degrees to 58° over the past hour. All the Thanksgiving weekend snow has melted as well. This weather wouldn’t be unusual if the calendar showed October, but today is December 3^rd. At the very minimum, the ground should be blanketed with a layer of the white stuff and evening temperatures hovering in the 20’s.

It looks again like another mild winter. Of course, Mother Nature has a way of making me eat my words and this spell of unusually warm temperatures could change overnight into a blizzard. But for this late in the year, I am appreciative of the warmer than normal temperatures. No boots, mittens or heavy coats are required. I don’t have to scrape ice off my windshield or turn up the car seat heaters.

But it does give me pause to wonder what this strange weather is doing to the wildlife and plant life outdoors. Are the bears, chipmunks and bats hibernating? If they are not, will they be unprepared if and when winter does arrive? What will happen to their life cycles if they don’t get the requisite 3-4 months of deep sleep?

Many animals time their breeding seasons to correspond with spring births. With a warmer winter, will babies be born in January and February, rather than in March and April? And will they survive if the weather returns to its normal blustery pattern?

I recall last winter when all my forsythia bushes began to bud in February. Many of the buds dropped off the branches, unable to grow in the colder temps that returned after the warm spell. The local orchard crops took a beating as well when unusually warm March temperatures accelerated the flowering of cherry and apple trees. Then April came and the temperatures plummeted, killing the blossoms, ruining most of the year’s crops.

As I write, heavy rain has started to pour down. I am grateful for the high temperatures for there will be no icy roads tomorrow. But it is winter and living in this area of the state, snow is expected. Businesses here depend upon it and the employees whose livelihoods rely on tourism and winter activities will pay a large price as well. With a sigh of resignation, I have to admit, it is time for snow and winter to come.

12-1-12

I like the symmetry of today’s date. For the next 31 days, each date will follow the same pattern, twelve, the day, and then twelve again. By the time we reach January 1^st, it will be another 88 years until that date pattern returns. I will be long gone and its symmetric beauty will be for others to embrace.

For symmetry to exist, yin must be accompanied by yang. After a week of focusing on money issues and methodically attending to household chores, I received an e-mail from the University of Michigan’s Center for Japanese Studies where they announced that their archived noon lecture series was now available to view on line. I scrolled through the three years of lectures and stopped at the title Rashomon’s Shadow. A Columbia professor in Japanese Literature spoke about the 1950 film, Rashomon and its director, Akira Kurasawa’s use of personal history to craft his films.

I listened to the lecture intently. As a fan of Kurasawa’s movies, I didn’t know much about his personal life so the story about how the destruction of his hometown, Tokyo, first by an earthquake, then at the hands of Allied bombers, followed by the suicide of his beloved brother had replayed itself through his films was a revelation to me. Thoughts filled my head, so I took to my journal. How has my history impacted who I am?

Each of us colors our lives with pieces of our past. The current psychology of reframing the missteps of our youth, rewriting it so to speak to make our present existence more palatable seems to run counter to the life of the artist. The artist doesn’t attempt to whitewash the pain but rather holds it tighter as if reliving it daily brings purpose to her existence. Through that pain beauty and vulnerability emerge, expressing itself visually and audibly. It is little wonder that many artists are emotionally fragile, a large price to pay for creativity.

Is that why I am drawn to the arts? Does listening to Beethoven or viewing a Picasso tap that intense vulnerability that permeates every cell in my body? My own creations are often utilitarian and devoid of emotion. Am I afraid of exposing my true self to the world, fully aware of the risks that come from being so exposed? To be that open you must be willing to sacrifice everything.

When I published my first post this past August, I began the journey of tearing down the walls that have shielded me from the pain that comes with growing up. Despite decades of life, I am still afraid of criticism, even from those whose respect and opinion hold little meaning for me. I cower and regress into myself where I face the ugliest critic of all: myself. But like the closing scene of Rashomon, I too am the woodcutter who sees redemption in the finding and embracing of a baby. My baby is my writing, still young, vulnerable and open to all that life can give.

Rashomon’s Shadow – University of Michigan, Center for Japanese Studies, September 23, 2010

http://www.umich.edu/~iinet/media3/cjs/10-11/anderer_20100923/

Biography - Akira Kurasawa - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000041/bio

Rashomon - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042876/