When hanging on too tight is the wrong decision

Gracie in 2004

Cats have been a part of my life for more than thirty years, yet I am always taken by surprise when one of them shows signs of decline. Like most people, I tell myself that life goes on forever. That little kitten, fluffy and full of energy has grown old and now walks through that final period of life called dying.

In the past several weeks, Gracie has moved into this final stage. Her vigor that expressed itself through high speed runs up and down the yard has transitioned into a slow plod. Her toned body has shrunk into a skeleton with a fur covering. Food still appeals to her, but eating does not.

I have gone through this process before.  The rigid schedule of drug and Sub-Q fluid treatments dominated my calendar. Scores of half eaten cans of cat food littered my refrigerator. My life, as well as my cat’s, stopped being one of living to one of schedules and charting.

I recall how I extended Thomas’ life for two years with twice a day insulin injections. He nearly died one night, saved by the extraordinary work of an emergency vet and days of connection to an IV drip. I wasn’t giving up even when his neuropathy became so bad that he could no longer walk. Everywhere I went, Thomas came along even when it meant hours in a car, something under normal circumstances he would have thrown a fit at doing. Despite all my efforts, Thomas died, his body succumbing to the destruction that diabetes brings.

I watch Gracie as she sleeps in the chair and ask myself am I going to do this to her? What will she gain by delaying the inevitable? Why am I so afraid of death that I would put this poor animal through a cacophony of drugs, tasteless food and separation from the other cats in the house? Who am I really trying to save?

I have made the decision to let her live the remainder of her days as normal as possible. There will be no extraordinary measures, just plenty of love and attention. Gracie has lived a good, long life and deserves to finish it with dignity. It doesn’t make this time any easier for those of us who will remain behind after she passes on, but this is Gracie's journey. I'm choosing to be there for her, not stand in her way.