Feelings of Helplessness

A Play on Shadows

It is difficult to write something upbeat after the events of the past three days.  I was initially upset by the expediency of the gray wolf bill passing through the Michigan legislature. It seems that whenever nature has the audacity to trespass into our space, the first solution is often to remove their presence permanently. Be it pesticides on insects, herbicides on vegetation, traps for small animals or in the case of larger wildlife, open hunting seasons, we humans take the position that who we are and what we want in life takes precedence over every other living thing on this planet.

Then came the news of the Newtown school murders. It is not enough that we indiscriminately kill wildlife, clear cut forests, pollute the air and water but we Americans have the ugly history of killing each other. Twenty six people died Friday morning, twenty of them children ages 6 and 7.

I don’t want to re-hash the issues of gun ownership and control. I have little doubt that there are many who share my position as well as an equal number who feel differently. What drags me down is the helplessness I feel right now compounded by pangs of anxiety stirring in my stomach.

For the second time this fall, I am overly cautious of what is going on around me. The first time it happened, I quickly remedied the situation by leaving the isolated cottage and felt immediately better. But today as I drove downtown, I found myself watching the other drivers for signs of aggressive driving. I checked out the parking lots looking for suspicious looking people. I made my purchases and went directly home.

My Facebook timeline is filled with comments and postings regarding the Connecticut murders. One post from a young mother spoke of possessing a concealed weapon permit believing that carrying a gun allows her to take action if the situation warrants. My anxiety, already shaken, now has me fretting about the number of local citizens who have guns neatly tucked away in purses, backpacks and diaper bags.

This is not how I want to live my life. I don’t want to be afraid of going to the theater, the mall, the office or even a park. Although there have been incidences of violence in the past several years, my hometown is overall a quiet, peaceful community. I want it to stay that way.

I don’t have all the answers but isn’t it time for all of us to sit down and discuss this issue, reasonably and with an aim to make our communities safer for its citizens? Don’t we owe that much for the children who have died?