What defines your life?

BC - My Big, Beautiful, Boy Cat otherwise known as Butch Cassidy

I’m struggling to put my thoughts in order this morning. My mind is unfocused, jumping from one idea to another. I would like to think that these moments are opportunities to birth a new idea, but more often than not, it is simply a cluttered mind crying for relief.  My body in concert with my mind, demands to move so I find myself wandering aimlessly around the house.

Being an introvert, I thrive best when the environment around me is calm. Manmade noises jar my senses to the point that even the buzz of florescent lights irritates me. After two weeks of home time, I walked joyfully into my client’s office Wednesday morning. I dove into my work: paying bills, handling payroll questions, meeting with staff to discuss projects. In my typical efficient manner, I had completed my tasks handily. But by day’s end, my head and ears were throbbing; I couldn’t get out the office fast enough. After dinner, I took a couple of aspirin and went to bed.

Today, I am in my home office, doing research and writing. Here the pace is slower.  I decide when to start my day and what projects I choose to work on. I am not as efficient or knowledgeable about this work, but I am certainly more passionate about it. It requires me to process information more deliberately, a task difficult to do when your mind is racing.

Giving in to my inner turmoil, I decided to sit by the window. With binoculars in hand, I study the squirrels hovering around the ground feeder. I watched as the dominant squirrels chase away the intruders who retaliate by sneaking around the feeder to enter from another direction.  As the day progresses, more squirrels wander down the hillside, leaping across the tree branches to avoid the deep powdery snow. There is plenty of food in the feeder, enough so that everyone can have their fill.

Sitting on the rocker with elbows resting on the window ledge, my body has created a v-shape shelter. Butch soon spots it and leaps onto my lap. Cat and human merge into one, keeping each other warm. It didn’t take long for my body to relax, my mind now focused on the activity outside.

Doing the same work for so many years brings a depth of knowledge that cannot be gained through pure book learning. I have become an expert at “doing my job”, but in the process frequently lose that sense of wonder that comes from sitting and observing in silence. Unlike most people, I have the luxury to combine my career with work that ignites my passions. But the onus is on me to not allow the pursuit of money to interfere with that which fills me with so much abundance.  A life without wonder and passion is empty and not worthy of this gift of life that is given to me.